anticipation

Spoilers, maybe I talk about GoT generically. broad strokes, and compare to other shows.

Game of thrones has ended. the MCU concluded its primary story arc. Star wars was sufficiently bland and disapponting that I’m not really interested in seeing the next installment.

Actually I don’t

I have nothing which I look forward to. Previously, in my darkest hours, I would tell myself that if my life were to end, I wouldn’t find out how these things ended.
Having now seen the end of thrones I almost regret hanging my hopes upon it. Avengers was quite pleasant, however, packed theater experience notwithstanding. I do not have plans to go to a theater ever again.
My home theater is comfortable, convenient, and devoid of any ASS-HOLES using their smartphones during the show. 4 times. 4 MOTHERFUCKING times my viewing of Endgame was interrupted by someone on a smart device.
And this was invite-only, friends and family of Improvers. My experience with the general public has been no better. one time in 13 has nobody disturbed a theater showing. I’m fucking fed up with it.
But that is not the main point of this post.
I don’t look forward to anything. Nothing.

I find this more peculiar than frightening. For even having lost this particular safeguard for whatever it was worth, I feel no danger. No risk of a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
I’ll say it plainly: I don’t want to kill myself.
I’m just missing a safety net that once discouraged that particular desire.

I would welcome a new trivial thing to fixate upon, but I am not sure it is needed. And I am somewhat jaded to trivialities in the same vein as the ones so recently lost. The ending of GoT was not terribly disappointing, but I will say that it did not live up to the hype and the build-up. So many cool directions it could have gone, and it ended up looping around to the same place it started. I had the same feelings about the conclusion to How I Met Your Mother. The end state of all the main characters was basically the same as when it all started. Any and all character development was undone or came to naught. I have not gone back to re-watch HIMYM since it ended, unlike say, for example, the Office, which I have watched an embarassing number of times since it ended.
Parks and Rec I have also since re-watched, and found its conclusion to be most entertaining. Eastbound and down, while I have not re-watched, left me with fond memories and a generally pleasant feeling at its conclusion.

I suppose I’ll have to make my own triviality on which to fixate.