day137

Internet down again, though at least this time it went down at such a time that I was able to drive to the Improving office in time for standup, so I got to do that, which is nice. It came back up when the tech support over the phone did something to it remotely, but I stayed at the office until lunchtime. And there is still a technician coming to my house.

Today’s theme is positivity. I don’t know why this isn’t the very last one. Living with depression is not easy. I can’t remember if i was on my meds for it when I took this assessment or not, but that would explain why this didnt’ come in dead last. I don’t feel down all the time anymore, but certain things will trigger an episode. politics. I was very worried about the election. Still am somewhat, given the cheeto-in-charge’s refusal to accept his loss. A coup is possible, and there would be nothing I could do about it. I shudder to think about it. Even writing about it here is a bit much. I need to change the subject.
Positivity. Not something I’m really that good at. I tend to think of the worst case scenario. It’s one thing that makes me good at QA, but does tend to intrude a bit into daily life. People who are good at Positivity tend to be upbeat and congtaiously enthusiastic. They get others excited about what they’re going to do. I’m not enthusiastic like that. I do have enthusiasms. I get an idea and sometimes I run with it; there’s nothing else i can focus on.

day136

Internet service went down again at 9AM. This time the tech called me at 11 for my 12-4PM appointment, so again I rushed home and barely got here before him. On this visit the technician replaced the wires going from inside my house to the box outside my house, and said a contractor will be calling at some point to come bury them.

Today’s theme is Communcation. This theme is about putting ideas into words, people with it are good conversationalists and presenters. I wonder why it is so far down my list at 31 of 34. I consider myself to be a pretty good public speaker though I don’t do it very often. My stumbling block is a lack of new and interesting things to say. I’ve given my 3d printing talk 3 times now. I’ve spoken on a number of other topics as well, but it seems like once I do it at a venue then there is no need to give it there again.

day135

I did it. Aced my workout for the week. 5/5. And for the fifth time this week my internet service went out around 8AM. Monday I waited and it came back in about an hour. Tuesday I also waited and it came back in about an hour. Wednesday I called when it happened because repeated service interruptions like that is not cool. A guy came out and replaced the fiber modem device, then service returned. Thursday it went out again, and again I called it in. Another technician came round and this time replaced the router. Service returned until about 8AM today. This time when I called the automated system knew it had to send somebody. Previously the automated support thing said I had to speak to a representative about my issues. This time the connectivity test and scheduling of service was all done automatically. Modern technology. Anyway, so I had the appointment scheduled between noon and 4. I figure I could get a few hours of work done at the office and head home at noon, because the tech never arrives exactly at the start of the window. I had a phone screen to do from 11:30 to noon, but I figured I would be safe to do that then go on home and wait for the guy.
I was wrong. I’m not 5 minutes into the phone screen when I get another call. It’s the tech asking if I’m home. I say ‘no, I’m at the office, but I can get home in 15 minutes. I wasn’t expecting you until noon.’ He said that’s fine, 20 minutes away, so I beg the pardon of my phone screen interviewee and rush home to deal with the technician. I explain the myriad of connectivity problems that had been going on with and he tests a bunch of stuff then installs a brand new(only released weeks ago) router/modem in one device. Service returnes. Hopefully it stays that way for the reasonable future. I’ve had no real problems with my service until this frequent daily outage problem this week. Then I finished the interview. I felt so unproffessional having to stop in the middle and rush home like that. Not putting the best face on our company, I feel.

Today’s theme is Adaptability. People with this theme go with the flow, take life as it comes, one day at a time. I guess my little story above proves that I’ve got some of this going on. I managed to pull my fat from the fire and sort everything out in the end but things did not go as I expected they would.

day134

Today’s theme is Includer. Includers accept others. They make an effort to include those who might feel left out. I’ve had some experience in this theme, so I won’t say its a non-starter, but those experiences have been few and far between. In the rare instances when I’m ‘tuned in’ to my social graces, I will try to make sure everybody is having fun. I get a bit more of this time tuning in when I DM for a family D&D game on tuesday evenings, and I’ll admit its not always easy to keep track of everything in game and everyone’s level of engagement at the same time.
I’m 4/4 so far this week. On track to ace my workout routine. Haven’t been keeping up with the lifting of weights though. I count that separate from my morning workout, which is part of the problem.

day133

Today’s theme is Self-Assurance. Oh man is this a 0% for me. I’ve got imposter syndrome so bad that this might as well be last on my list of themes. I can’t make any decision without second-guessing myself. Serious weakness here. Self doubt is the opposite of self-assurance, and imposter syndrome is the practical effect of that self-doubt.
Although maybe its not 0%. Sometimes I can do things. Sometimes I make a decent impression of a functioning human being. When I get my Activator theme going and start working on a project, then I throw caution to the wind and start making decisions without a paralyzing amount of self-doubt. It’s not often that happens, but it does happen. Most recently, we painted the office walls in the house. That project was done without breaking down due to crippling self-doubt. I suppose its ups and downs like one assumses that most everybody has.
And my internet is out again. That makes the third day this week that it went out in the morning. It so far has come back in like an hour, but it still gets in the way of me working.

day132

So yesterday we watched Last Week Tonight. Generally we get it the day after(monday). It was somewhat concerning. Both stories depicted the horror awaiting us should trump win the election, and it only served to increase my anxiety about the whole situation. And today is election day. After reading of all the ways the cheeto might steal the election, I’m pretty much at a crescendo of worry about this. And now my internet is down, so I can’t do any work. My internet went out yesteday, with no outage reported.

Today’s theme is Empathy. I actually feel reasonably good at this one. sometimes. I don’t know how to turn it on, but sometimes it’s just on, and I feel like I can sense what someone else is feeling. I really ought to cultivate this ability as much as I can, because I’m sure it will prove to be useful.
I don’t like playing adversarial games because I feel bad for the losers. I much prefer coop games for this reason. There are few exceptions. I like OGRE, at least what little i’ve played it. That sounds a little passive-aggressive. At least to me. I’d like to play it more. I’ve got the new-game hype for it still. And we haven’t even played the second part of it, GEV.

Also: 2/2 working out so far this week. Going for another ace. Ace meaning 5/5, since the original meaning of Ace was a pilot with 5 confirmed kills. I posted about it in the Improving General channel, since this week is Practice Accountability, and saying a goal aloud makes it more likely to succeed. Now I have public accountability.

day131

So friday evening was Improving’s drive in movie show at the office. They also did a trunk or treat thing and costume contest beforehand for the kids. I showed up early to help setup, and got a good spot for the show. Though my car is so small, i’d probably have gotten a good spot regardless. It was a fun time. I wasn’t really pining for the human interaction the way a lot of my coworkers were. I get enough interaction with the daily zoom calls and shannon living here. BUt I realize that I’m introverted and not everybody is.

Today’s strength is Significance. I’m not going to call them strengths anymore. Themes. They’re themes in the grand listing. The ones at the top are strengths. I would go back and change all the tags, but I’m lazy and that is tedious. Anyway, themes. Today is Significance. People with this one want to make a big difference. I don’t really feel any affinity here. I used to maintain a paradigm of wanting to be forgotten as soon as I’m gone. Granted this idea aligns mostly with my depression as one fewer thing keeping me around. Fewer people to miss me. But I’m over that idea now.
I suppose I want to make a difference at my client. I certainly want them to be pleased with my work. I get satisfaction from doing the job well. But I don’t choose tasks based on what will have the most significant impact. I have a list of things and I just take the next one on it. I do work independently, which is part of this theme, and the work I’m doing does have a pretty big impact, I guess. When I was not working there for a short time, they needed me back.

day130

Today’s strength is Activator. I can finally say something new about this one, because I do feel reasonably empowered by this one. Of course it’s not a relationship strength, so maybe that’s why. This is an Influencer-category strength, about putting thoughts into action, which is something I do regularly. I make a plan, then I execute it. Usually, though, I wait until saturday morning, when I’ve got no constraints on my time, and I can dedicate a whole day to whatever it is. During the week I tend to mull it over, examine and plan my tasks or projects while getting my work done. So I’m not constantly turning thoughts into action, which would explain why this one is so far down the list for me.

New record low weight. 208.6 lbs. go me. I’d say the diet is working. I’m currently only eating lunch. Fasting through dinner and breakfast. I generally don’t need to eat a super amount of food for lunch. Just a regular meal and maybe a snack. And I’m working out kinda sorta sometimes. It’s just so much easier to not do that first thing in the morning. But I need to be more disciplined.

day129

Today is brought to you by Individualization. I’m starting to sound like a broken record here. But I don’t feel very strong in this one. I read the longer description of this one from the book and there’s nothing in there that resonates with me. In fact if anything I’m the opposite of this one. I see other people as static figures. What is on the surface is all that I’m able to pick up on. If i’ve worked with people for a while I can kind of see their skills, but for the most part I don’t pry into other’s business.

day128

Today’s attribute is Relator. I’m not calling them strengths anymore because I don’t feel much affinity for them. Again its in the Relationship category. It says people talented in this enjoy close relationships with others. They find deep satisfaction in working hard with friends to achieve a goal. I’d pretty much rather work alone. I did enough group projects in school. Or should I say carried enough group projects in school, because it seemed thats always how it went. Though I was the weak link once in a group. I put forth my best effort, but I happened to be grouped up with people all smarter than me.
It seems that this talent is the core of the relationship building category. Being weak in it probably explains why all the ones in that category are on my back half of the 34 total strengths. I’m just not a people person. But I do want to work at it. No man is an island. And I’m not going to get very far by myself. If there is one thing I learned from the Power of Who, its that I should ask for things, otherwise I’ll never get them. Specifically referring to help from my network.